If you pluck your eyebrows, they will not all fall out like your primary school teacher said.
Believe it or not, everyone’s hair is not the same. Just because someone at school said that you should only condition the ends, that doesn’t necessarily apply to you.
You were right in thinking that the school health lesson on female menstration was a little lacking. They missed out a lot. Yes, once a month you can expect certain things to happen. But it’s so much more than that. It will take you years to realise how many of your thoughts and feelings are tied to the monthly cycle – actually, monthly cycles, plural - things that cannot be covered by the simple acronym PMS. Physically and emotionally, you are tied to this thing.
This is both a trial and a blessing: a trial because it’s difficult to know who you are when your hormones speak so much for you; a blessing because, being cyclic, you can be sure it will pass. These things do not last forever.
Your personality is VERY influenced by your position on the introvert/extrovert scale. Given enough space and “alone time” or “quiet time” to re-charge, you can actually be quite social and pleasant to be around. No, I’m not kidding.
Sleep is also very important; don’t be afraid to prioritise it. It will benefit everyone in the long run.
Boys. Even after nearly three decades of life, you still don’t really understand them. But you’re beginning to understand yourself.
You will get crushes on boys you don’t actually like. Even though, in your rational mind, you know they’re immature, arrogant and thoughtless, you will find yourself sub-consciously trying to attract their attention. This will continue until a) you discover the depths of their immaturity and become repulsed or b) you no longer spend any time in the same space as that person.
I’m sorry, but it seems you have little say in the matter.
Boys do not realise you are shy. They interpret your behaviour as snobbery, and disdain you accordingly.
Don’t mistake confidence for understanding. Just because you are shy and they are confident, it does not mean that boys know what’s going on in your mind. In the same vein, do not mistake attention for attraction. Your habit of putting up walls whenever anyone tries to develop any sort of relationship with you will protect you well, but it won’t earn you any friends.
You will get crushes on boys you do like. But they will not always like you back. And even when they do, it won’t necessarily work out.
The song is right, the first cut is the deepest. But you will live.
Your first impressions of smoking, drinking and teenage parties were correct. Distancing yourself from these things won’t have much adverse affect on your social life, as far as you can tell.
You could be described as a “late bloomer” in most areas of life. You take longer than most people to reach certain stages, but that doesn’t mean you won’t get there at all. Your urge to travel, for instance, lies dormant for a long long time. Sometimes you still consider yourself inferior to your peers because you don’t keep to the same social schedule as many of them do.
Your parents are even more awesome than you originally thought. And mum making you learn to drive turns out to be pretty darn helpful in the long run.
It is possible (and will become possible) to relate to males on a deeper level than teasing and mockery. Some of them will even resist the urge to make fun of you every chance they get. They will do this out of respect for you as a person. This will boost your self esteem to the point that you actually begin to see yourself as a likeable creature, and as someone worth spending time with. Some males you will call "friend" and mean it.
God is big; bigger than you imagine, and given previous experience will probably continue to surprise you. You will look back and realise that he’s been subtly pushing you places for a long time, and using everything he can – people, events, chance meetings, even crushes on boys – to point you where he wants you to go. It might be worth looking into trying to go where he wants to start with… He keeps his promises. You almost give up on him a couple of times. He doesn’t seem to mind.
At 28, you will still have no idea what you’re doing with your life. This is both an exciting and a frightening thought.
Oh, and when you’re performing in the orchestra at senior prizegiving, and you move your chair too close to the stage edge, you will fall off. Loudly. In the middle of someone's singing recital. It will be one of the more embarrassing experiences of your school life. Good thing it happens at the end........
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Fadhili James
Transcript from an interview/podcast on Jump for Joel.org with James Njuguna. This may not interest many people, but I wanted to write it out/remember it cos it shows lots of James's humour and what made him tick...
Shana, if you'd rather I didn't have this published online, just say the word and I'll take it down.
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SHANA: Alright, well, welcome back everybody. Sorry we haven't had a podcast in a LONG time. But we have a really great one today, so hopefully that will make up for our lack of podcastness.
Today it's me Shana, and…
AMELIA: Amelia
SHANA: ….Amelia, aaand our friend James. James, how do you say your last name again?
JAMES: Njuguna. You wanna try that?
SHANA: Njuguna?
JAMES: (laughs)
SHANA: Am I close?
JAMES: Yes
SHANA: You laugh like I'm not close.
JAMES: That’s good
SHANA: Anyway, he's our friend from Kenya and we're just gonna have him on here talking about all things Kenya-related, so he doesn't really know what to expect...what's coming at him. So this will be extra fun. For me.
First off, a story about how I met James. I’ve shared this story with some people but I don’t think everyone knows. I thought everyone knew but apparently they don’t. So. Here’s a story of how I got to Kenya:
SHANA: I knew I wanted to go, and I was gonna go see a friend but I decided I wanted to do some volunteer work as well, not just be a tourist but also help. And I wanted to go to an orphanage or to a school or something. I love kids. So I wanted to do that. So I looked for, like, a church group or a mission trip or anything that was gonna be in Kenya the same time I was gonna be there. Or around the same time that I could plan with. But I couldn’t find one that was going the same time as me. So I decided to get on my friend, Google. And look up an agency. And I came across Fadhili, which is what James does: he’s the National Director for Fadhili Helpers, based in Nairobi, Kenya. And so I found them, and decided to, alright, give this Kenya agency a try. And I was really expecting the people that run Fadhili to be, like, sixty, seventy year old…
JAMES: (laughs)
SHANA: …boring people, I mean, I’m not saying that sixty or seventy year old people are boring. That came out wrong! Um, but, I was not…
JAMES: SOME sixty/seventy year old people are boring
SHANA: Yeah. James said that. I didn’t, Grandma. She’s eighty, so that doesn’t count. Anyway, she IS boring. Oh wait, I need to stop! Okay, I’ll edit that. (laughing)
Anyway, so I get there, to Kenya, to meet these Fadhili people, and they’re not old, they’re actually in their twenties. And so I was so excited…although now thirty. Can I say that on the podcast?
JAMES: Yeah, that’s okay. It’s been a few weeks since I’ve been thirty, so…
SHANA: And so I was really pumped about having people who were similar in age. That’s how I met James, and he’s the one who connected me to Gathiga, which is where we do our work with Jump for Joel. And so that’s how I met him, and so we’re excited to have James in the US visiting for a few weeks, and he’s here in Springfield this week. With a lot of snow. James, how is the snow treating you?
JAMES: Oh, well (laughs), I’m liking looking at it, but I’m not liking being out there with it, cos it’s very cold. When I left Nairobi it was like eighty degrees? So you can imagine coming here (shudders). It’s just too cold for me. But..
SHANA: He’s wearing long johns.
JAMES: Oh yeah. Does this count?
SHANA: Oh yeah, and a long shirt.
JAMES: So….but I’m staying with people I like, so they’re making it warm for me. And even just talking to you guys and being with everybody makes my stay here worthwhile, so…
SHANA: So tell everybody who’s listening more about Fadhili.
JAMES: Well, we’re more than just a volunteer agency. We’re an organis…a ministry actually, that focuses on helping the orphaned and abandoned children. So all the programs that we run are aimed at that. That’s our vision: to support the orphan child, and vulnerable. Vulnerable means the child might have one parent, but they’re not able to go to school. It’s also that, they might be having two parents who do not take care of them. And then orphan, of course, means that they do not have parents at all. So volunteerism is a program; we run it because it gives us a little bit of money to run the other programs. However we also have programs like child sponsorship program and this basically means that we hook up children with people that can raise a certain amount of money, like twenty dollars a month, to help that child go to school and just get food and everything that a child may need.
JAMES: Then we have distant outreach missions; this is fun because we get to go to the ends of the earth. Yeah, where people are not reached with the Gospel. Specifically in the area of Turkana which is north of Kenya, just bordering Sudan. And we take mission groups out there and I get to go there every month, or every other month. So, it’s kinda fun.
Our work there involves church plant…
SHANA: Church planting?
JAMES: (laughing) Yes. Church planting, and discipleship. So, over the years…I’ve ben doing this for the last ten years, so over the years we’ve been able to plant fourteen churches.
SHANA: Wow
JAMES: And this last year all our churches, each of them, have been able to plant another two or three churches, at least
SHANA: Amazing
JAMES: So, it’s really spreading, it’s catching fire. It’s what we want. And it’s not us going there, because this is, it’s a Kenyan community but it’s not, they are not from, like, Nairobi, not even my tribe. So it’s not us, the missionaries, going there to plant churches; they are now doing it themselves. This is what we’ve always wanted. So it’s great.
Then we have an orphanage that we’re starting in about a month, so that was one of the reasons I’m here, is to also talk about it and see if I can raise money for starting off, you know, beds and all the things you think that we need in an orphanage.
So that’s pretty much it. The other programs are, like, minor programs and, like, emergency response things; microfinance to a woman who has HIV and lives in Kibera slum, and they can’t raise money so we think it’s good to start a business for them. Or, an orphanage that doesn’t have food and you have to respond fast, so we have that as a program, like an emergency response, and there’s many things that we do there. That’s kinda like, in a nutshell, that’s about it.
SHANA: In a nutshell, that’s a lot, that’s a BIG nutshell
JAMES: Yeah (laughs)
SHANA: That’s a lot of things: church planting…
JAMES: You can edit it!
SHANA: …orphanage. No, no, no, that’s amazing!
JAMES: Yeah
SHANA: Wow, I don’t even know how to respond.
AMELIA: -I’m so excited that James is here. We’ve been talking on Facebook, which is the reason I love Facebook; you can talk to your friends halfway around the world, in different time zones. And he talked about coming here, and I just, I prayed so hard that he would, like, be able to come here to our home. While we were in Kenya we were able to go to James’s apartment and meet his wife, Grace, and see him there. But I’m so excited that he gets to be here with US, I think that’s really cool. I LOVE hearing you talk about Fadhili and your passion, I think that’s so exciting, and I’m glad that hopefully people will listen to this and hear that other people are passionate about it, that it’s not just a bunch of college students. That there are people there in Kenya who are really excited about it, who just wanna help the kids there too.
JAMES: One of the things that really, we are doing, even not just with, I think, with Gathiga where Jump for Joel is concentrating its energies right now, is we are trying to work to sensitize all our partners to not just expect people to come from the United States always to come and help them out. We are encouraging everybody to own up to the dreams that they have, to be self-sustaining, and so when you guys come over, you just come to compliment what we are doing, and not to, like, start over a new project
SHANA: Right
JAMES: So, it’s really really a blessing when we see, like, Kenyans doing things. And we thank you, everybody, that has been able to help and donate a little bit of money to this, it’s good.
SHANA: And how many orphanages do you work with, at Fadhili?
JAMES: We have partnered with, like, fifteen but right now, we are actively working with eight.
SHANA: Wow.
JAMES: Yeah. We give volunteers to all of these; we’ve been blessed to partner with an organization in New Zealand: International Volunteer Headquarters, and they send us massive numbers of volunteers, so we’ve been able to send volunteers to all of these orphanages.
But more to that, we also, from time to time, provide food and…it’s food mostly, to these orphanages, because food is a HUGE need, you probably know that by now, running Jump for Joel
SHANA: Yes, huge need
JAMES: It’s a huge need. So about eight active, now we are starting our own.
SHANA: So a volunteer can go to your website; is it fadhili dot org?
JAMES: Yeah, F A D H I L I dot org
SHANA: And they can, what I..if I remember right…went on there, got an application, sent it in, then you email me back
JAMES: Yeah
SHANA: Then I can fill out, do I wanna help with HIV program, or with feeding I think is one, or a school or an orphanage.
I picked orphanage, obviously
JAMES: Yeah
SHANA: And then they set you up at one of these different places, if it’s an orphanage, one of these eight.
JAMES: Yeah
SHANA: And I actually got to visit two, I think. Different places when I was there.
I went to Agape Hope, I think just Agape Hope and Gathiga.
And they take volunteers from all over. I’ve met, let’s see, when we were there in 08, Canadian…
AMELIA: Australian, there was a lady from Wales
JAMES: There are people from mostly all the English-speaking countries. Yeah.
SHANA: The next question I have for you, James, is, we’re planning an up-coming trip in July 09, so if any of you are interested in going please let us know. You can email us at info@jumpforjoel.org. Or if you’re on campus here at UIS you can just find us. July 09 we’re going to be having a new trip
JAMES: Do you have the dates?
SHANA: We’re going to be doing the last couple of weeks, the CFS: the Christian Student Fellowship trip will be the last few weeks. And because there’s been lots of interest, we might have to do a trip at the beginning as well. So there’ll be two group trips. Maybe.
JAMES: Really?
SHANA: Maybe. We’re not sure.
JAMES: Okay
SHANA: Definitely the end of the July trip will be with UIS students.
SHANA: So for people who have never been to Kenya, what are some tips or things that you can say about Kenya, to prepare someone?
JAMES: Well, Kenya is, Kenyans are very, and you know, you are my witness, Kenyans are very warm-hearted people, they like people, they like to meet people.
SHANA: Yes, very nice
JAMES: One of the things that I really want everybody to experience is matatus.
SHANA: Mmhmmm
JAMES: Matatus are these 14 seater passenger vans that are, just, crazy. They’re pimped, they are like, “pimp my matatu”
(laughing)
SHANA: That’s my favorite quote, now
JAMES: Yeah, they have big screens and loud music and crazy drivers.
SHANA: It’s like a taxi on steroids, and…falling apart
AMELIA: And if you go outside of Nairobi where the roads are very bumpy, it’s like being inside of a paint mixer
(laughing)
SHANA: Yes, a lot like a paint mixer! Come to think of it.
JAMES: Yeah, that’s one of the things that I would like for you guys to experience, but you have to take everybody to safari. How did you like safari?
SHANA: Yes. Safari was great. We got to see lions, and giraffes, zebras
AMELIA: Hippos
SHANA: Hippos. We did not get to see rhinos. Other than that, we got to see everything.
AMELIA: No we didn’t see cheetahs
SHANA: Oh yeah
JAMES: Did you go to Lake Nakuru or just Masai Mara?
SHANA:/AMELIA Masai Mara
JAMES: That is why; this time you have to go to Lake Nakuru because then you get to see the white rhinos. Flamingos!
SHANA: Nice
JAMES: The lake is full of flamingos.
SHANA: Pink ones?
JAMES: Yeah. Pink flamingos.
SHANA: I didn’t know they were in Africa.
JAMES: Yeah
SHANA: Maybe in Florida…
JAMES: But we’re also gonna, we’ll try and do an outreach, like a two-day outreach to some community. Like, just sharing Jesus.
So yeah, that’s about it. There’s a lot of other good things, the Kenyan food… yeah.
What I’ve seen in America is that, there’s a LOT of food here. Everywhere.
Five steps: food kiosk. A McDonalds... Dunky Donuts... Starbucks.
(laughing)
JAMES: There’s a lot of those. And I realized the food, that is served in big proportions. Pizza is huge. In Kenya it’s not like that.
SHANA: See, I would disagree though, cos I think in Kenya they have huge, massive portions, but it’s not as many varieties
JAMES: Healthy!
SHANA: And it’s healthier.
JAMES: And we only have, like, one big meal in a day. So that’s excusable, I guess (laughs)
SHANA: Okay
JAMES: Here, you eat every 2 hours.
SHANA:/AMELIA:… Maybe it’s just us (laughing)
JAMES: Americans
SHANA: That is true. Anything else? What will the weather be like in July?
JAMES: It’s gonna be our winter, but the coldest it gets is, like, fifty/sixty
So, nothing to worry
SHANA: I say that while I look at the snow outside. Winter.
JAMES: Oh yeah, I wish I can take this snow. Everybody’s saying “how is it?”.
New York was crazy for that. I don’t like that city cos it’s very fast.
(laughing)
JAMES: If there’s any New Yorkers listening, please forgive me.
SHANA: What are some other things about America that have surprised you?
Was it what you expected?
JAMES: Sort of, but there’s things that I’m just amazed at. Like, the roads are amazing, like the road network. Cos, if you come to Kenya, the roads are crazy. And also the internet is super-fast. And then, everything is like, touch of a button. You want coffee, you can order it online. You just need your computer. That doesn’t happen in Kenya. We work a little harder to get things there. Yeah.
SHANA: Well I think that’s all the questions I had. Amelia do you have anything to add?
AMELIA: I would add that the Fadhili guys made us feel really safe while we were in Kenya. It was really nice to have a guide who knew where they were going. Because the craziest part about matatus is they stop in noplaces and you have no idea where you are, and so then the Fadhili guys tell you when to get on, and to get off, and are very helpful, guide you and take care of you while you’re there
JAMES: Thanks. One other thing I think I should mention, for the sake of people who know about Steve and his ministry
SHANA: Yes
JAMES: Basically, Steve just…
SHANA: Oh, for those who don’t remember: our last podcast talked about Steve, and the slum he’s in, Kiberia, and how we’re trying to do a feeding program to help him feed kids there on Saturdays, so that’s what he’s started up
JAMES: Yeah so Steve, I’ve known him for some time, he has a heart for ministry for kids, so he came to me one time, “I really want to do this, and I don’t know how to do it” , and a couple of weeks before you guys came, we were able to help him with things, buy food for children and out of that money that you guys paid when you came, we used it for the feeding program that Saturday. So when you guys came and connected very well with Steve, it was like an answer to prayer. And, so far he’s been able to do well with the feeding for the children and the numbers of children have increased, so, and they’re able to do, not just give food but also ministry, so it’s great, going good yeah.
SHANA: We miss Steve…
Well thanks again for talking into the computer, we appreciate that.
JAMES: Yeah
SHANA: And if you have any questions about Fadhili, you can always go to their website, fadhili.org, or you can go the the Jump for Joel website, and we can send them to James.
So, we hope you enjoy the rest of your stay in America
JAMES: I’m gonna be going to Iowa..
SHANA: Yeeah
JAMES: …back to New York, back to Nairobi with my wife.
SHANA: Yes, and James is gonna be a dad soon!
JAMES: Yes, I am
SHANA: Yeah, like, four weeks or something?
JAMES: About. Wow, I’m so excited, I can’t believe I’m here, and…
SHANA: James is kinda homesick today
JAMES: Yeah
SHANA: So we… I try not to talk about his wife
JAMES: Yeah. I don’t wanna cry (laughs)
SHANA: Grace is pretty amazing
JAMES: Yeah
SHANA: Thank you Grace for letting us steal James for awhile
JAMES: I will make her listen to this
SHANA: Okay
Hi!
That’s all I have to say, thank you for listening to the podcast, and we will be back, hopefully quicker than we were this time.
Oh and also, a big thank you to David Ladslie for giving us some guitar music to play in the background for this episode, thank you David!
SHANA: Okay, that’s all we have. Everybody have a good week.
Shana, if you'd rather I didn't have this published online, just say the word and I'll take it down.
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SHANA: Alright, well, welcome back everybody. Sorry we haven't had a podcast in a LONG time. But we have a really great one today, so hopefully that will make up for our lack of podcastness.
Today it's me Shana, and…
AMELIA: Amelia
SHANA: ….Amelia, aaand our friend James. James, how do you say your last name again?
JAMES: Njuguna. You wanna try that?
SHANA: Njuguna?
JAMES: (laughs)
SHANA: Am I close?
JAMES: Yes
SHANA: You laugh like I'm not close.
JAMES: That’s good
SHANA: Anyway, he's our friend from Kenya and we're just gonna have him on here talking about all things Kenya-related, so he doesn't really know what to expect...what's coming at him. So this will be extra fun. For me.
First off, a story about how I met James. I’ve shared this story with some people but I don’t think everyone knows. I thought everyone knew but apparently they don’t. So. Here’s a story of how I got to Kenya:
SHANA: I knew I wanted to go, and I was gonna go see a friend but I decided I wanted to do some volunteer work as well, not just be a tourist but also help. And I wanted to go to an orphanage or to a school or something. I love kids. So I wanted to do that. So I looked for, like, a church group or a mission trip or anything that was gonna be in Kenya the same time I was gonna be there. Or around the same time that I could plan with. But I couldn’t find one that was going the same time as me. So I decided to get on my friend, Google. And look up an agency. And I came across Fadhili, which is what James does: he’s the National Director for Fadhili Helpers, based in Nairobi, Kenya. And so I found them, and decided to, alright, give this Kenya agency a try. And I was really expecting the people that run Fadhili to be, like, sixty, seventy year old…
JAMES: (laughs)
SHANA: …boring people, I mean, I’m not saying that sixty or seventy year old people are boring. That came out wrong! Um, but, I was not…
JAMES: SOME sixty/seventy year old people are boring
SHANA: Yeah. James said that. I didn’t, Grandma. She’s eighty, so that doesn’t count. Anyway, she IS boring. Oh wait, I need to stop! Okay, I’ll edit that. (laughing)
Anyway, so I get there, to Kenya, to meet these Fadhili people, and they’re not old, they’re actually in their twenties. And so I was so excited…although now thirty. Can I say that on the podcast?
JAMES: Yeah, that’s okay. It’s been a few weeks since I’ve been thirty, so…
SHANA: And so I was really pumped about having people who were similar in age. That’s how I met James, and he’s the one who connected me to Gathiga, which is where we do our work with Jump for Joel. And so that’s how I met him, and so we’re excited to have James in the US visiting for a few weeks, and he’s here in Springfield this week. With a lot of snow. James, how is the snow treating you?
JAMES: Oh, well (laughs), I’m liking looking at it, but I’m not liking being out there with it, cos it’s very cold. When I left Nairobi it was like eighty degrees? So you can imagine coming here (shudders). It’s just too cold for me. But..
SHANA: He’s wearing long johns.
JAMES: Oh yeah. Does this count?
SHANA: Oh yeah, and a long shirt.
JAMES: So….but I’m staying with people I like, so they’re making it warm for me. And even just talking to you guys and being with everybody makes my stay here worthwhile, so…
SHANA: So tell everybody who’s listening more about Fadhili.
JAMES: Well, we’re more than just a volunteer agency. We’re an organis…a ministry actually, that focuses on helping the orphaned and abandoned children. So all the programs that we run are aimed at that. That’s our vision: to support the orphan child, and vulnerable. Vulnerable means the child might have one parent, but they’re not able to go to school. It’s also that, they might be having two parents who do not take care of them. And then orphan, of course, means that they do not have parents at all. So volunteerism is a program; we run it because it gives us a little bit of money to run the other programs. However we also have programs like child sponsorship program and this basically means that we hook up children with people that can raise a certain amount of money, like twenty dollars a month, to help that child go to school and just get food and everything that a child may need.
JAMES: Then we have distant outreach missions; this is fun because we get to go to the ends of the earth. Yeah, where people are not reached with the Gospel. Specifically in the area of Turkana which is north of Kenya, just bordering Sudan. And we take mission groups out there and I get to go there every month, or every other month. So, it’s kinda fun.
Our work there involves church plant…
SHANA: Church planting?
JAMES: (laughing) Yes. Church planting, and discipleship. So, over the years…I’ve ben doing this for the last ten years, so over the years we’ve been able to plant fourteen churches.
SHANA: Wow
JAMES: And this last year all our churches, each of them, have been able to plant another two or three churches, at least
SHANA: Amazing
JAMES: So, it’s really spreading, it’s catching fire. It’s what we want. And it’s not us going there, because this is, it’s a Kenyan community but it’s not, they are not from, like, Nairobi, not even my tribe. So it’s not us, the missionaries, going there to plant churches; they are now doing it themselves. This is what we’ve always wanted. So it’s great.
Then we have an orphanage that we’re starting in about a month, so that was one of the reasons I’m here, is to also talk about it and see if I can raise money for starting off, you know, beds and all the things you think that we need in an orphanage.
So that’s pretty much it. The other programs are, like, minor programs and, like, emergency response things; microfinance to a woman who has HIV and lives in Kibera slum, and they can’t raise money so we think it’s good to start a business for them. Or, an orphanage that doesn’t have food and you have to respond fast, so we have that as a program, like an emergency response, and there’s many things that we do there. That’s kinda like, in a nutshell, that’s about it.
SHANA: In a nutshell, that’s a lot, that’s a BIG nutshell
JAMES: Yeah (laughs)
SHANA: That’s a lot of things: church planting…
JAMES: You can edit it!
SHANA: …orphanage. No, no, no, that’s amazing!
JAMES: Yeah
SHANA: Wow, I don’t even know how to respond.
AMELIA: -I’m so excited that James is here. We’ve been talking on Facebook, which is the reason I love Facebook; you can talk to your friends halfway around the world, in different time zones. And he talked about coming here, and I just, I prayed so hard that he would, like, be able to come here to our home. While we were in Kenya we were able to go to James’s apartment and meet his wife, Grace, and see him there. But I’m so excited that he gets to be here with US, I think that’s really cool. I LOVE hearing you talk about Fadhili and your passion, I think that’s so exciting, and I’m glad that hopefully people will listen to this and hear that other people are passionate about it, that it’s not just a bunch of college students. That there are people there in Kenya who are really excited about it, who just wanna help the kids there too.
JAMES: One of the things that really, we are doing, even not just with, I think, with Gathiga where Jump for Joel is concentrating its energies right now, is we are trying to work to sensitize all our partners to not just expect people to come from the United States always to come and help them out. We are encouraging everybody to own up to the dreams that they have, to be self-sustaining, and so when you guys come over, you just come to compliment what we are doing, and not to, like, start over a new project
SHANA: Right
JAMES: So, it’s really really a blessing when we see, like, Kenyans doing things. And we thank you, everybody, that has been able to help and donate a little bit of money to this, it’s good.
SHANA: And how many orphanages do you work with, at Fadhili?
JAMES: We have partnered with, like, fifteen but right now, we are actively working with eight.
SHANA: Wow.
JAMES: Yeah. We give volunteers to all of these; we’ve been blessed to partner with an organization in New Zealand: International Volunteer Headquarters, and they send us massive numbers of volunteers, so we’ve been able to send volunteers to all of these orphanages.
But more to that, we also, from time to time, provide food and…it’s food mostly, to these orphanages, because food is a HUGE need, you probably know that by now, running Jump for Joel
SHANA: Yes, huge need
JAMES: It’s a huge need. So about eight active, now we are starting our own.
SHANA: So a volunteer can go to your website; is it fadhili dot org?
JAMES: Yeah, F A D H I L I dot org
SHANA: And they can, what I..if I remember right…went on there, got an application, sent it in, then you email me back
JAMES: Yeah
SHANA: Then I can fill out, do I wanna help with HIV program, or with feeding I think is one, or a school or an orphanage.
I picked orphanage, obviously
JAMES: Yeah
SHANA: And then they set you up at one of these different places, if it’s an orphanage, one of these eight.
JAMES: Yeah
SHANA: And I actually got to visit two, I think. Different places when I was there.
I went to Agape Hope, I think just Agape Hope and Gathiga.
And they take volunteers from all over. I’ve met, let’s see, when we were there in 08, Canadian…
AMELIA: Australian, there was a lady from Wales
JAMES: There are people from mostly all the English-speaking countries. Yeah.
SHANA: The next question I have for you, James, is, we’re planning an up-coming trip in July 09, so if any of you are interested in going please let us know. You can email us at info@jumpforjoel.org. Or if you’re on campus here at UIS you can just find us. July 09 we’re going to be having a new trip
JAMES: Do you have the dates?
SHANA: We’re going to be doing the last couple of weeks, the CFS: the Christian Student Fellowship trip will be the last few weeks. And because there’s been lots of interest, we might have to do a trip at the beginning as well. So there’ll be two group trips. Maybe.
JAMES: Really?
SHANA: Maybe. We’re not sure.
JAMES: Okay
SHANA: Definitely the end of the July trip will be with UIS students.
SHANA: So for people who have never been to Kenya, what are some tips or things that you can say about Kenya, to prepare someone?
JAMES: Well, Kenya is, Kenyans are very, and you know, you are my witness, Kenyans are very warm-hearted people, they like people, they like to meet people.
SHANA: Yes, very nice
JAMES: One of the things that I really want everybody to experience is matatus.
SHANA: Mmhmmm
JAMES: Matatus are these 14 seater passenger vans that are, just, crazy. They’re pimped, they are like, “pimp my matatu”
(laughing)
SHANA: That’s my favorite quote, now
JAMES: Yeah, they have big screens and loud music and crazy drivers.
SHANA: It’s like a taxi on steroids, and…falling apart
AMELIA: And if you go outside of Nairobi where the roads are very bumpy, it’s like being inside of a paint mixer
(laughing)
SHANA: Yes, a lot like a paint mixer! Come to think of it.
JAMES: Yeah, that’s one of the things that I would like for you guys to experience, but you have to take everybody to safari. How did you like safari?
SHANA: Yes. Safari was great. We got to see lions, and giraffes, zebras
AMELIA: Hippos
SHANA: Hippos. We did not get to see rhinos. Other than that, we got to see everything.
AMELIA: No we didn’t see cheetahs
SHANA: Oh yeah
JAMES: Did you go to Lake Nakuru or just Masai Mara?
SHANA:/AMELIA Masai Mara
JAMES: That is why; this time you have to go to Lake Nakuru because then you get to see the white rhinos. Flamingos!
SHANA: Nice
JAMES: The lake is full of flamingos.
SHANA: Pink ones?
JAMES: Yeah. Pink flamingos.
SHANA: I didn’t know they were in Africa.
JAMES: Yeah
SHANA: Maybe in Florida…
JAMES: But we’re also gonna, we’ll try and do an outreach, like a two-day outreach to some community. Like, just sharing Jesus.
So yeah, that’s about it. There’s a lot of other good things, the Kenyan food… yeah.
What I’ve seen in America is that, there’s a LOT of food here. Everywhere.
Five steps: food kiosk. A McDonalds... Dunky Donuts... Starbucks.
(laughing)
JAMES: There’s a lot of those. And I realized the food, that is served in big proportions. Pizza is huge. In Kenya it’s not like that.
SHANA: See, I would disagree though, cos I think in Kenya they have huge, massive portions, but it’s not as many varieties
JAMES: Healthy!
SHANA: And it’s healthier.
JAMES: And we only have, like, one big meal in a day. So that’s excusable, I guess (laughs)
SHANA: Okay
JAMES: Here, you eat every 2 hours.
SHANA:/AMELIA:… Maybe it’s just us (laughing)
JAMES: Americans
SHANA: That is true. Anything else? What will the weather be like in July?
JAMES: It’s gonna be our winter, but the coldest it gets is, like, fifty/sixty
So, nothing to worry
SHANA: I say that while I look at the snow outside. Winter.
JAMES: Oh yeah, I wish I can take this snow. Everybody’s saying “how is it?”.
New York was crazy for that. I don’t like that city cos it’s very fast.
(laughing)
JAMES: If there’s any New Yorkers listening, please forgive me.
SHANA: What are some other things about America that have surprised you?
Was it what you expected?
JAMES: Sort of, but there’s things that I’m just amazed at. Like, the roads are amazing, like the road network. Cos, if you come to Kenya, the roads are crazy. And also the internet is super-fast. And then, everything is like, touch of a button. You want coffee, you can order it online. You just need your computer. That doesn’t happen in Kenya. We work a little harder to get things there. Yeah.
SHANA: Well I think that’s all the questions I had. Amelia do you have anything to add?
AMELIA: I would add that the Fadhili guys made us feel really safe while we were in Kenya. It was really nice to have a guide who knew where they were going. Because the craziest part about matatus is they stop in noplaces and you have no idea where you are, and so then the Fadhili guys tell you when to get on, and to get off, and are very helpful, guide you and take care of you while you’re there
JAMES: Thanks. One other thing I think I should mention, for the sake of people who know about Steve and his ministry
SHANA: Yes
JAMES: Basically, Steve just…
SHANA: Oh, for those who don’t remember: our last podcast talked about Steve, and the slum he’s in, Kiberia, and how we’re trying to do a feeding program to help him feed kids there on Saturdays, so that’s what he’s started up
JAMES: Yeah so Steve, I’ve known him for some time, he has a heart for ministry for kids, so he came to me one time, “I really want to do this, and I don’t know how to do it” , and a couple of weeks before you guys came, we were able to help him with things, buy food for children and out of that money that you guys paid when you came, we used it for the feeding program that Saturday. So when you guys came and connected very well with Steve, it was like an answer to prayer. And, so far he’s been able to do well with the feeding for the children and the numbers of children have increased, so, and they’re able to do, not just give food but also ministry, so it’s great, going good yeah.
SHANA: We miss Steve…
Well thanks again for talking into the computer, we appreciate that.
JAMES: Yeah
SHANA: And if you have any questions about Fadhili, you can always go to their website, fadhili.org, or you can go the the Jump for Joel website, and we can send them to James.
So, we hope you enjoy the rest of your stay in America
JAMES: I’m gonna be going to Iowa..
SHANA: Yeeah
JAMES: …back to New York, back to Nairobi with my wife.
SHANA: Yes, and James is gonna be a dad soon!
JAMES: Yes, I am
SHANA: Yeah, like, four weeks or something?
JAMES: About. Wow, I’m so excited, I can’t believe I’m here, and…
SHANA: James is kinda homesick today
JAMES: Yeah
SHANA: So we… I try not to talk about his wife
JAMES: Yeah. I don’t wanna cry (laughs)
SHANA: Grace is pretty amazing
JAMES: Yeah
SHANA: Thank you Grace for letting us steal James for awhile
JAMES: I will make her listen to this
SHANA: Okay
Hi!
That’s all I have to say, thank you for listening to the podcast, and we will be back, hopefully quicker than we were this time.
Oh and also, a big thank you to David Ladslie for giving us some guitar music to play in the background for this episode, thank you David!
SHANA: Okay, that’s all we have. Everybody have a good week.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Sunday, December 06, 2009
exerpt from my travel journal, 1 April 2009
Orientation day, Nairobi Kenya
...the venue was set up like a conference room, with tables in a large rectangle, bottles of water, and chairs all around. The first person I met was a youngish guy who introduced himself as James! I was surprised to find that this was the head of Fadhili Helpers, he wasn't at all what I expected.
He told me, with a cheeky grin, that because I was the first to arrive, I would have to tell him everything about myself, from kindergarten.
I told him I was from New Zealand, that I played guitar and sang, and often did so at my church. He wanted to know what songs we sang, and surprised me by singing a couple of lines from Hillsong United's "Hosanna". I told him excitedly that Brooke Fraser, who wrote that song, comes from New Zealand too. I'm not sure he believed me, hehe.
All the while I talked, Joe - another of the Fadhili guys, filmed me with a video camera. He seemed like fun too, and delighted in filming much of the orientation and disconcerting his colleagues. Very soon we were joined by a bunch of other people, both volunteers and more Fadhili staff. James introduced himself ad the rest of the Fadhili crowd. Each of the guys took it in turn to explain the different aspects of volunteering, interrupted by James from time to time, ribbing the guys playfully when they came across as too quiet/serious: "this is Mike, who likes to SMILE".
James decided to "April Fool" us by claiming that we couldn't go into central Nairobi as there had been a terrorist attack. I was allllmost taken in, but I saw a tiny smile in the corner of James's mouth. He thought it was a great joke, the clown. "You should have seen the look on your faces!"...
----------------------------------
Amazing that someone you know for such a short time can touch your life so deeply.
James Njuguna was the head of the Fadhili Helpers organisation in Nairobi, Kenya. In his relatively short life, he touched thousands of lives. He forged links with people in other countries, bringing volunteers from around the world to come and serve in schools, hospitals, orphanages and slums in Kenya.
He instigated the building of a new orphanage, Maddison House. He knew street kids by name.
His character was gentle, compassionate, and more than a little cheeky. He knew how to get the job done. He know how to encourage. He met people where they were. He shared his faith with people who didn't know the Gospel; he believed in evangelism with respect, not expectation or force.
James was a little over 30 years old. He was killed outside his apartment yesterday. We don't know why.
He leaves behind his wife, Grace, and his little daughter Kelly.
I'm glad to have known him, and to have been a small part of his mission. I hope wherever he is now, he has found rest.
...the venue was set up like a conference room, with tables in a large rectangle, bottles of water, and chairs all around. The first person I met was a youngish guy who introduced himself as James! I was surprised to find that this was the head of Fadhili Helpers, he wasn't at all what I expected.
He told me, with a cheeky grin, that because I was the first to arrive, I would have to tell him everything about myself, from kindergarten.
I told him I was from New Zealand, that I played guitar and sang, and often did so at my church. He wanted to know what songs we sang, and surprised me by singing a couple of lines from Hillsong United's "Hosanna". I told him excitedly that Brooke Fraser, who wrote that song, comes from New Zealand too. I'm not sure he believed me, hehe.
All the while I talked, Joe - another of the Fadhili guys, filmed me with a video camera. He seemed like fun too, and delighted in filming much of the orientation and disconcerting his colleagues. Very soon we were joined by a bunch of other people, both volunteers and more Fadhili staff. James introduced himself ad the rest of the Fadhili crowd. Each of the guys took it in turn to explain the different aspects of volunteering, interrupted by James from time to time, ribbing the guys playfully when they came across as too quiet/serious: "this is Mike, who likes to SMILE".
James decided to "April Fool" us by claiming that we couldn't go into central Nairobi as there had been a terrorist attack. I was allllmost taken in, but I saw a tiny smile in the corner of James's mouth. He thought it was a great joke, the clown. "You should have seen the look on your faces!"...
----------------------------------
Amazing that someone you know for such a short time can touch your life so deeply.
James Njuguna was the head of the Fadhili Helpers organisation in Nairobi, Kenya. In his relatively short life, he touched thousands of lives. He forged links with people in other countries, bringing volunteers from around the world to come and serve in schools, hospitals, orphanages and slums in Kenya.
He instigated the building of a new orphanage, Maddison House. He knew street kids by name.
His character was gentle, compassionate, and more than a little cheeky. He knew how to get the job done. He know how to encourage. He met people where they were. He shared his faith with people who didn't know the Gospel; he believed in evangelism with respect, not expectation or force.
James was a little over 30 years old. He was killed outside his apartment yesterday. We don't know why.
He leaves behind his wife, Grace, and his little daughter Kelly.
I'm glad to have known him, and to have been a small part of his mission. I hope wherever he is now, he has found rest.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
musta been tired
Yeah, fail. When a blog post says "keep as draft" and ends up published, you know I'm tired.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
single stories
Before you roll your eyes and click away to another page, no, this isn't another rant about being single. I promise. Mostly ;)
This is a post about a concept that I feel like I've known about for a long time, but have been unable to express fully.
An amazing woman called Chimamanda Adichie described the concept in a talk from the TED conference 2009 (see below). I was blown away by her intellect, courage, and most of all, her ability to hold an audience entranced by her words. She describes herself as a "storyteller" rather than a writer or a novelist, and that makes a lot of sense. You'd be a fool to define her by her usual choice of medium because she's an excellent speaker too.
I think she explains it a lot better than I can, so here's Chimamanda herself
(the talk is around 18 minutes long, but I think it's time well spent in listening to her speak):
I think what strikes me most about the concept is that, once you understand it as Chimamanda describes it, you begin to see it everywhere.
This is, in fact, what I was getting at in my previous post. You cannot look at a person, or a place, a people, or even a state of being in just one way. It's imperative that you embrace the whole picture.
As a single person, I do not want someone to look at me and immediately think: partnerless, without spouse, alone, individualist, lonely, incomplete, pitiful. True as those labels can be, they are just the negative view. I am also strong, mysterious, courageous, faithful, blessed, patient and free.
It is interesting hearing this concept as described by a Nigerian. I felt I could relate immediately to those who see Nigerians through a single story filter. If you had asked me a couple of weeks back what I knew about Nigerians, other than email scams, I think the first thing to come to mind would be the freaky men in the movie District 9. They sold anything and everything on the black market, they stole and traded weapons. The leader of the gang was a sick, twisted man who lived for power. A wichdoctor(ess?) convinced him that he could take on another man's power by eating his flesh, which he very nearly did to my disgust. Ewwww.
It's not exactly what I want as the sole point of reference to a people who I otherwise know nothing about. Given a blank map of the African continent, I'm not even sure I could confidently point to Nigeria. But I remember the freaky dude in District 9...
It goes both ways, of course. When I visited Kenya and Malawi earlier this year, I caught a glimpse of the single story of the white-skinned person. People of white-skin are: rich, can be relied on for hand-outs, rescuers, interferers, tied to a colonial past, blessed with resources but ignorant of what really matters.
You might have noticed that the story is not entirely negative. But even the positives grate when they are forced upon me.
I found it incredibly frustrating to be viewed as an ATM machine; it forced me to question the motives of any locals who sought to be my friend. I wonder if those people found it equally frustrating that I viewed them as helpless and incapable. Stuck. I felt responsible for them. As if it were my place to somehow fix things. Because obviously they were not able to fix it themselves. I did not even question whether things needed "fixing" in the first place. Because obviously the way of living that I know is the "right" way.
I'm beginning to see that it's not just a nice idea to learn lots about people, cultures, places and history. It's a responsibility.
Without being open to the full spectrum of stories, we force each other into cages. Without the full spectrum, I am tied to the path set by well-meaning white missionaries and old maids, crazy ladies with cats and broomsticks. It's just not me.
What about you? Do you struggle with the constrictions of a single story? Are you guilty of viewing a person or group of people through a narrow filter?
This is a post about a concept that I feel like I've known about for a long time, but have been unable to express fully.
An amazing woman called Chimamanda Adichie described the concept in a talk from the TED conference 2009 (see below). I was blown away by her intellect, courage, and most of all, her ability to hold an audience entranced by her words. She describes herself as a "storyteller" rather than a writer or a novelist, and that makes a lot of sense. You'd be a fool to define her by her usual choice of medium because she's an excellent speaker too.
I think she explains it a lot better than I can, so here's Chimamanda herself
(the talk is around 18 minutes long, but I think it's time well spent in listening to her speak):
I think what strikes me most about the concept is that, once you understand it as Chimamanda describes it, you begin to see it everywhere.
This is, in fact, what I was getting at in my previous post. You cannot look at a person, or a place, a people, or even a state of being in just one way. It's imperative that you embrace the whole picture.
As a single person, I do not want someone to look at me and immediately think: partnerless, without spouse, alone, individualist, lonely, incomplete, pitiful. True as those labels can be, they are just the negative view. I am also strong, mysterious, courageous, faithful, blessed, patient and free.
It is interesting hearing this concept as described by a Nigerian. I felt I could relate immediately to those who see Nigerians through a single story filter. If you had asked me a couple of weeks back what I knew about Nigerians, other than email scams, I think the first thing to come to mind would be the freaky men in the movie District 9. They sold anything and everything on the black market, they stole and traded weapons. The leader of the gang was a sick, twisted man who lived for power. A wichdoctor(ess?) convinced him that he could take on another man's power by eating his flesh, which he very nearly did to my disgust. Ewwww.
It's not exactly what I want as the sole point of reference to a people who I otherwise know nothing about. Given a blank map of the African continent, I'm not even sure I could confidently point to Nigeria. But I remember the freaky dude in District 9...
It goes both ways, of course. When I visited Kenya and Malawi earlier this year, I caught a glimpse of the single story of the white-skinned person. People of white-skin are: rich, can be relied on for hand-outs, rescuers, interferers, tied to a colonial past, blessed with resources but ignorant of what really matters.
You might have noticed that the story is not entirely negative. But even the positives grate when they are forced upon me.
I found it incredibly frustrating to be viewed as an ATM machine; it forced me to question the motives of any locals who sought to be my friend. I wonder if those people found it equally frustrating that I viewed them as helpless and incapable. Stuck. I felt responsible for them. As if it were my place to somehow fix things. Because obviously they were not able to fix it themselves. I did not even question whether things needed "fixing" in the first place. Because obviously the way of living that I know is the "right" way.
I'm beginning to see that it's not just a nice idea to learn lots about people, cultures, places and history. It's a responsibility.
Without being open to the full spectrum of stories, we force each other into cages. Without the full spectrum, I am tied to the path set by well-meaning white missionaries and old maids, crazy ladies with cats and broomsticks. It's just not me.
What about you? Do you struggle with the constrictions of a single story? Are you guilty of viewing a person or group of people through a narrow filter?
Monday, October 05, 2009
the sin of singleness
Apparently it’s not easy being single.
Actually, that is kinda true. I’m single at the moment, and I’ve definitely spent more time in that state than out of it. So I know that being single has its own challenges. Some of the things I regularly struggle with are:
Boundaries: how to set them, when to set them, where the line is between friendship and something…more than friendship, how to socialise “safely” without putting up walls
Communication and expectation: how not to give the wrong impression, how to avoid anyone from feeling threatened by my continued singleness…unbelievably I’m not actually after your husband, although yes, I do like attention and chatting about common interests, etc
Feeling and emotions: loneliness, envy, lust, jealousy, confusion: these don’t really need explaining. They’re definitely not a struggle just for singles.
In fact, a single could probably ask a married person what they find difficult, and find that they struggle with many of the same things.
There are pros and cons to every stage in life.
I have to remind myself of this when I see kids playing with wild abandon at the park and suddenly I want to be seven again. But wait…remember being teased, and not being able to stay up late? What about having your mum insist that you take a coat even though it looks dorky, and never getting to stay at home alone even though the alternative is trailing behind your sibling around a shopping mall while they take forever to decide on a new pair of shoes? Oh yeah. The golden years weren’t always golden. The grass is always greener.
I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you any of this, it’s really self-explanatory.
So it comes as a surprise to me sometimes how often I have to explain to people what my BIGGEST struggles are as a single.
More than anything thing else, I struggle with three things that make my blood boil:
1. The subversive, often subconsciously-held myth that claims there are NO pros in being single
It’s something you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy. In fact, you’re surprised that singleness doesn’t lead to more suicide attempts, it’s such a continuous state of suck. You’d rather submit yourself to several consecutive dentist visits than be single, it’s that bad. Man, if you’re single right now, you have my pity.
2. The belief that single = incomplete, unfinished
Being single is failing to achieve the ultimate and most celebrated of life’s purposes: finding that one person you’re meant to spend your life with.
Or if not THE one, then SOME one, ANY one…or ones for that matter. Anything but single, alone and unloved.
3. The idea that singles who aren’t spending every minute of their lives looking for a life partner are seriously abnormal
They obviously need to be directed to:
a) counselling
b) speed/internet dating or
c) gay/lesbian support groups….
Because if you’re not looking, it means that you’re not interested in romantic relationship at all. Full stop. Never. Put a down-payment on that run-down cottage and get me some cats. Preferably about thirteen.
People (just like my one-year-old nephew) like to be in boxes.
No wait, that’s not it. People like to put other people in boxes. I know. I do it all the time.
I reckon the “single” box must smell real bad, because while “married”, “homosexual”, “lesbian”, “transsexual”, “de-facto married”, “civilly unionised" and “mentally unstable” are acceptable long-term boxes, the “single” box is assumed to be a temporary box just like “child” and “teenager”.
It’s inevitable. As you grow, you move out of the temporary boxes into the long-term box you were destined for. So quit mucking around and get hitched already! And while you’re at it, pop out some children for the good of the population.
I’ve been watching a set of DVDs recently, by a guy called Louie Giglio (more commonly referred to as “Louie Gigolo” by me, because as you know, singles are immature and find lame jokes funny).
Among other things, Louie presents some ideas about life and purpose. I’ve heard several theories on this subject. I’m not God (the universe…42…whatever), so I can’t tell you which one is right, if any. But Louie’s ideas intrigued me.
What I got from his talks is that:
-it’s not about us: it’s not our story, it’s God’s story
-even though we don’t really know what God’s trying to achieve through life/the world, is clear he/she/it is trying to achieve something
-our purpose as humans includes being part of God’s story, whatever that is.
A lot of what I think I know about God comes from the bible. And in the bible, the world ends, sometime or other.
So I’m imagining myself at the end of the world. Earthquakes. Catastrophe. Redemption. The great recounting of everything. Heaven, cherubs, unicorns, the whole deal.
I’m standing before the creator of the universe, and he’s looking over my life.
“Sarah, Sarah, Sarah” he says, shaking his head. “I gave you so many gifts in life. Why did you never live into your full potential? Why did you remain single?”
Definitely. That’s exactly what he’s gonna say.
He’s gonna have nothing at all to say about how much time I spent not helping the poor, widows, prisoners and outcasts.
He’s not gonna be at all interested in how I spent my money and my other resources.
He won’t be interested in my heart, soul and character and how I’ve developed them in relationship with family, friends and even strangers.
Nope. He’s gonna be caught up on that one thing. After all, that is why he created the universe. To match people up like a cosmic game of memory/happy families. Once we’ve all found our matching piece, a giant bell will ring out in joy and the father of us all will smile contentedly, knowing things are finally right with his creation…
Yeah, it’s a stupid story, isn’t it?
And you’ve never ascribed to any of those ideas, right? Not even if you’re single yourself.
Well I have. I have to admit I’ve looked at men who are over 40 and partner-less and thought, “I have to make sure I never ask why they aren’t married…it must be so painful”. And I’ve seen women alone and imagined how hard their life must be in comparison to women who are married.
So I guess if I’m going to babble on about the single state, I’m going to have to learn to practice what I preach.
If, by some miracle, you’re still reading (and aren’t turned off by my display of hypocrisy), I’d like to leave you with these thoughts:
If you are single now, I’m neither affirming or criticising you. I’m not talking about you at all, really.
I know being single is not necessarily a decision. Some of us may jump at the chance to be in an intimate, romantic relationship right now. I can’t tell you how to feel, or speak on your behalf, just like you can’t speak on behalf of me.
Regardless of how permanent or temporary singleness is, I don't think it should define you, or prevent you from being the person you were created (or evolved, or coincident-ed) to be. You are who you are, regardless.
If you aren’t single (or even if you are), try not to pity me for being single.
I don’t deserve your pity. My life has as many pleasures and struggles as yours, even if they don’t match your own.
One day I will die. That’s really all I know for sure. The rest is a mystery, but it’s gonna be an interesting one. And hopefully it will be part of God’s great mystery too. I’ll let you know how that goes...
Actually, that is kinda true. I’m single at the moment, and I’ve definitely spent more time in that state than out of it. So I know that being single has its own challenges. Some of the things I regularly struggle with are:
Boundaries: how to set them, when to set them, where the line is between friendship and something…more than friendship, how to socialise “safely” without putting up walls
Communication and expectation: how not to give the wrong impression, how to avoid anyone from feeling threatened by my continued singleness…unbelievably I’m not actually after your husband, although yes, I do like attention and chatting about common interests, etc
Feeling and emotions: loneliness, envy, lust, jealousy, confusion: these don’t really need explaining. They’re definitely not a struggle just for singles.
In fact, a single could probably ask a married person what they find difficult, and find that they struggle with many of the same things.
There are pros and cons to every stage in life.
I have to remind myself of this when I see kids playing with wild abandon at the park and suddenly I want to be seven again. But wait…remember being teased, and not being able to stay up late? What about having your mum insist that you take a coat even though it looks dorky, and never getting to stay at home alone even though the alternative is trailing behind your sibling around a shopping mall while they take forever to decide on a new pair of shoes? Oh yeah. The golden years weren’t always golden. The grass is always greener.
I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you any of this, it’s really self-explanatory.
So it comes as a surprise to me sometimes how often I have to explain to people what my BIGGEST struggles are as a single.
More than anything thing else, I struggle with three things that make my blood boil:
1. The subversive, often subconsciously-held myth that claims there are NO pros in being single
It’s something you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy. In fact, you’re surprised that singleness doesn’t lead to more suicide attempts, it’s such a continuous state of suck. You’d rather submit yourself to several consecutive dentist visits than be single, it’s that bad. Man, if you’re single right now, you have my pity.
2. The belief that single = incomplete, unfinished
Being single is failing to achieve the ultimate and most celebrated of life’s purposes: finding that one person you’re meant to spend your life with.
Or if not THE one, then SOME one, ANY one…or ones for that matter. Anything but single, alone and unloved.
3. The idea that singles who aren’t spending every minute of their lives looking for a life partner are seriously abnormal
They obviously need to be directed to:
a) counselling
b) speed/internet dating or
c) gay/lesbian support groups….
Because if you’re not looking, it means that you’re not interested in romantic relationship at all. Full stop. Never. Put a down-payment on that run-down cottage and get me some cats. Preferably about thirteen.
People (just like my one-year-old nephew) like to be in boxes.
No wait, that’s not it. People like to put other people in boxes. I know. I do it all the time.
I reckon the “single” box must smell real bad, because while “married”, “homosexual”, “lesbian”, “transsexual”, “de-facto married”, “civilly unionised" and “mentally unstable” are acceptable long-term boxes, the “single” box is assumed to be a temporary box just like “child” and “teenager”.
It’s inevitable. As you grow, you move out of the temporary boxes into the long-term box you were destined for. So quit mucking around and get hitched already! And while you’re at it, pop out some children for the good of the population.
I’ve been watching a set of DVDs recently, by a guy called Louie Giglio (more commonly referred to as “Louie Gigolo” by me, because as you know, singles are immature and find lame jokes funny).
Among other things, Louie presents some ideas about life and purpose. I’ve heard several theories on this subject. I’m not God (the universe…42…whatever), so I can’t tell you which one is right, if any. But Louie’s ideas intrigued me.
What I got from his talks is that:
-it’s not about us: it’s not our story, it’s God’s story
-even though we don’t really know what God’s trying to achieve through life/the world, is clear he/she/it is trying to achieve something
-our purpose as humans includes being part of God’s story, whatever that is.
A lot of what I think I know about God comes from the bible. And in the bible, the world ends, sometime or other.
So I’m imagining myself at the end of the world. Earthquakes. Catastrophe. Redemption. The great recounting of everything. Heaven, cherubs, unicorns, the whole deal.
I’m standing before the creator of the universe, and he’s looking over my life.
“Sarah, Sarah, Sarah” he says, shaking his head. “I gave you so many gifts in life. Why did you never live into your full potential? Why did you remain single?”
Definitely. That’s exactly what he’s gonna say.
He’s gonna have nothing at all to say about how much time I spent not helping the poor, widows, prisoners and outcasts.
He’s not gonna be at all interested in how I spent my money and my other resources.
He won’t be interested in my heart, soul and character and how I’ve developed them in relationship with family, friends and even strangers.
Nope. He’s gonna be caught up on that one thing. After all, that is why he created the universe. To match people up like a cosmic game of memory/happy families. Once we’ve all found our matching piece, a giant bell will ring out in joy and the father of us all will smile contentedly, knowing things are finally right with his creation…
Yeah, it’s a stupid story, isn’t it?
And you’ve never ascribed to any of those ideas, right? Not even if you’re single yourself.
Well I have. I have to admit I’ve looked at men who are over 40 and partner-less and thought, “I have to make sure I never ask why they aren’t married…it must be so painful”. And I’ve seen women alone and imagined how hard their life must be in comparison to women who are married.
So I guess if I’m going to babble on about the single state, I’m going to have to learn to practice what I preach.
If, by some miracle, you’re still reading (and aren’t turned off by my display of hypocrisy), I’d like to leave you with these thoughts:
If you are single now, I’m neither affirming or criticising you. I’m not talking about you at all, really.
I know being single is not necessarily a decision. Some of us may jump at the chance to be in an intimate, romantic relationship right now. I can’t tell you how to feel, or speak on your behalf, just like you can’t speak on behalf of me.
Regardless of how permanent or temporary singleness is, I don't think it should define you, or prevent you from being the person you were created (or evolved, or coincident-ed) to be. You are who you are, regardless.
If you aren’t single (or even if you are), try not to pity me for being single.
I don’t deserve your pity. My life has as many pleasures and struggles as yours, even if they don’t match your own.
One day I will die. That’s really all I know for sure. The rest is a mystery, but it’s gonna be an interesting one. And hopefully it will be part of God’s great mystery too. I’ll let you know how that goes...
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